Horror Movies

            You know what I don’t get? It’s been a question that I’ve had since I was a little kid. It’s always bugged the crap out of me. It’s so dumb that I don’t know why they keep doing it. My question is why the hell would someone pay money, to get the living piss scared out of them? It beats me! I think that horror movies are the dumbest thing in the movie business. All they do is scare the crap out of you. I honestly don’t see the reasoning behind what makes them so popular.

            Horror movies consist of five things, music, affects, dialogue, and the jump scare. A combination of all five of these elements creates a pants shitting movie. These all don’t happen at once. It happens over a course of about five minutes. This is to build up suspense and to get you prepared to scream so loud that your neighbors call the cops because they think there’s a murder. I mean technically there has been, but that’s beside the point. The point is that they are strategically placed to get the best scare out of you.

            The first thing that producers do is put the characters in a scary scene and create a specific dialogue to build up to it. For example, Jenny and Jen are walking down a country road between two corn fields in the dead of night. “Did you hear that?” Jen said. “Yeah, I think I did. It came from the corn field right over there,” Jenny exclaimed while pointing to the source of the sound.

            Then they que the scary music. This causes the audience to tense up, because they know exactly what is going to happen. Then comes the part where you get scared shitless. A thing pops out of the corn field and slaughter the two girls right where they stand (this probably wouldn’t have happened if they had Direct TV.) This is the jump scare. Then to drive everything home, they have good affects to make it seem as real as possible. They have all the blood and gore to wrap it all up. It shows, down to the tiniest detail, exactly what it looks and sounds like when you watch your friend get their head chopped off by a rusty machete.

            This is what a horror movie basically is. Again, I have no idea the reasoning people have to want to see these. But hey, people still watch them and movie companies keep getting money off of them, so I don’t think that they are going to go away any time soon.

Phineas and Ferb

            When you are a little kid, you want to do almost anything that you can during summer. For most of us, that usually doesn’t happen. Instead we sat around and watched T.V. or took naps. We never really got anything accomplished. Well, you can’t say that for Phineas and Ferb! They did in one day what grown adults did in years. They built a friggin’ roller coaster for Peet’s sake! How the hell do you even do that? You be in a kids cartoon show, that’s how! That’s beside the point though. Those kids did whatever the hell they wanted with no worries whatsoever. That’s how I wish my childhood was like. But no, I don’t have the permits to build a ship to outer space, what a shame.

            Phineas and Ferb was a work of pure genius. I think that that show was probably the best show on television for a while. There was so much imagination and creativity that went into it, it’s crazy. That show is the kind of show that kids should be watching. One that influences creativity and pushing the limits. Instead, kids are watching shows that make them dumber and makes them brain dead. But hey, that’s none of my business.

            The show also promotes friendship. You don’t see a select group of kids that do everything together and are inclusive to other people anymore. You see a group of kids that make trouble, and exclude and make fun of people. That’s what this world has come to. But in Phineas and Ferb, everyone is included. They are nice to everyone that they encounter. They are even nice to their sister that is always trying to get them into. That takes a special kind of something to do that.

            Then on top of all that, the show is funny! My favorite part is when they are getting something from an adult and the adults aren’t even phased! That would never happen in real life! They are just, “glad to see that young kids are interested in that particular kind of stuff.” Then there is also a bunch of little hidden jokes though out the entire show. I love it!

            I wish that there were more shows like Phineas and Ferb. I think that it’s a quality show, and the kind of show that kids should be watching. I hope there will be a day when the world only consists of kids shows like that.

Spongbob

So, let’s talk about something that should have never been imagined. Something that should have been turned away as the dumbest thing that has ever been thought up. This something is mentally challenged, he’s yellow, he’s square, and he has decided to work as a fry cook for the rest of his life because he sucks at everything else. I’m pretty sure that you all know what I’m talking about. SpongeBob. I don’t know what compelled someone to think about SpongeBob becoming a show, but whoever did had to have been high on some sort of something. All I know is that it was annoying as a kid, and it’s extremely annoying now.

SpongeBob is probably the dumbest show that has ever been created. That’s saying something since there are shows like Dog with a Blog. I actually firmly believe that anyone who watches SpongeBob drops their IQ a couple points, and that’s every episode. What they say on the show are the works of a bunch of idiots sitting in a room trying to see what amazingly dumb thing that can be put on the show. Then they go get high, and come back while baked like an apple pie, and still try to come up with something! I’m not actually sure that that is how a kid’s show should be influenced.

Then there is Patrick. I have no words to describe how much I hate Patrick. Oh wait, yes I do. He is dumb, lazy, and literally has no brain. I don’t even know how someone could come up with such a mind dumbing character. He is probably 80% of why kids are so dumb these days. They sit around and watch a star fish walk around causing problems because he is too dumb to do anything.

Then there are the voices of the characters. SpongeBob’s voice actually gives me a head ach. Then he laughs, holy crap muffins, when he laughs I actually want to shove scissors into my ears. I didn’t think that such an annoying sound could be created by a human mouth, but the creators of this show managed to do just that. Then there’s Squidward. He sounds like a person who has been nasally congested since he was a little kid. Patrick who’s voice actually sounds like a mentally challenged kid. And last but not least, Mr. Crabs, who sounds like a pirate who has something shoved up his sphincter.

This show should be banned from T.V. We as moral human beings need to put an end to this madness.

Memorizing

            Movies and music are kind of my life. I absolutely love both of them. I can’t imagine my life without either of them. I love them so much that I have decided to memorize basically everything that I have heard or watched. This has cause me to get into lots of trouble over the years, but I won’t get into that. But I’ve found that you can memorize almost anything that you listen to. Whether or not you retain it over a long time is completely up to your brain. Or maybe it’s genetic? I don’t really know.

            I’ve found that memorizing music is very simple to do. You just have to open up and let the music flow to your soul. No. just joking. I usually just listen. I focus on what’s being said and then I can usually recite it then. If I can’t figure something out, then I look up the lyrics, and then it all just clicks into place. Or you can just memorize the lyrics themselves. That works too. But I fee; like that is kind of a short cut. Then it’s not as fun.

            Then memorizing movies is totally different. There are only a few movies that maybe you can memorize completely. I’ve done this, but it was a movie from my childhood, so I had a lot of time to memorize it. The first step I memorizing a movie is to pick out various scenes in it. This way you narrow down your amount that you are memorizing. Then that way you will be able to quote movies any time that you feel like it. I personally do it to piss off my parents. But hey, we all have our different reasons for doing the things that we do.

            Now I don’t really know how all this memorizing actually works, or how some people can remember things better that others. Once I do I’ll let you know.

Childhood Movies

            Childhood is the best time ever. You doing have to worry about anything, and you are free to basically do whatever you want. The thing is, most childhoods were different. There are the kids’ whose families were wealthy and they got whatever they wanted when they wanted it. Then there are those children who did whatever their imagination compelled them to do. Either way, there is one factor that linked these two very different childhoods. Movies. Movies have always been with us from birth to now. The type of movies that you are interested in might have changed, but you will always like those special few movies that made your childhood better.

            Growing up, I have made a lot of friends. I’ve always found that I can connect with people over what kind of movies that we liked when we were little. For example, my friends Austin and Christine, they both like the same movies that I liked when I was little. The big one was the lion king. Most people like the lion king, but it was all three of our favorite childhood movie.

            Then there are the types of movies that you shouldn’t have been watching in the first place, but you have that one parent that said that it was fine. My movie that was like that was Spaceballs. The movie had all these sexual jokes and swearing in it, but since I was little, I had no idea what they even meant. How was I supposed to know that when they were fighting with their “Swartz” that it was referring to a literal cock fight. All I cared about and focused on was the fact that Lone Star and Barf had a flying motor home.

            Then, there are the movies that made you want to be things when you grew up. For me, that was The Sandlot. I loved that movie with all my heart. I honestly can’t remember a week for about two years that I didn’t watch The Sandlot at least once. It made me want to be a baseball player. That dream quickly changed because I realized just how boring the game of baseball is. It also made me want to be a better person. Benny was just the nicest guy and was so polite and had the best spirit that I could imagine. Just an all-around good person.

            Movies bring out the best in people I think. But childhood movies bring out the kid in all of us. They bring back so many memories, and just make you feel good inside. You know that that movie will always be there and will always take you back to the past.

Short Endings

            Movies can be a little over exaggerated, and by a little, I mean a lot. It’s ridiculous how over exaggerated they are. It gets to the point that if they weren’t over exaggerated, then the movie would be cut short, by a lot. That’s exactly what I’m going to show you. I think that it is funny how a movie can be cut short just by one little thing. These movies are Disney movies too, which is even funnier because you don’t notice them until you are older.

            Let’s start with Mulan shall we? Mulan is about a girl who snuck away from home in order to fill her father’s place in the Chinese army. Back when this took place, woman could not join the army. In doing so would lead to dishonor of the family, and the death of that individual. Several times in the movie Mulan should have been caught. For example, when they were all taking a bath in the lake, if the men would have looked in the water, they would have noticed that, “Ping” had female titties, and not male ones. Also, anyone can tell when a girl is impersonating a man. In real life, this would have been a dead giveaway. Then in the song, “We are men,” Shang pulled on Mulan’s shirt to get in her face. You would think that when he did that, he would have felt a little something something. But if he didn’t, then all he had to do was look down and see that Ping is not in fact, a dude. With all of these, it would have ended in Mulan’s death, and therefore, the end of the movie.

            Then there’s the Disney princess movies. Many of them could have ended shortly because of supposed early deaths. Let’s start with Snow White. The crazy evil queen essentially wanted her dead. So she turned into a hag lady and gave her a poisoned apple the put her into a coma. Why a coma? Why not just kill her with an apple that has actual deadly poison in it? Beats me. It would have definitely ended the movie right then and there. But then again, that would have probably caused a little problem considering the movie is for 6 year old girls.

            There is also sleeping beauty. I mean, that witch could have cursed her into falling off a cliff or something. Or, if you want to stick with the plot of the story, she could have cursed her to prick her and then just die. Instead she pricked her finger and fell into a sleep that could be broken. What was she thinking? I have no idea.

            That’s all the movies that are really obvious. If I think of any other ones, I’ll write another blog about this.

Movie Busters

Movies are very sly when it comes to jokes. Especially kids movie, which makes them all the more funny. Whether it’s a flat out joke, or just something that the character implies, movie and T.V. producers are very sneaky. It also seems like kids channels are getting away with a lot more things that no kids shows would ever get away with ten years ago. I’m not complaining, but I think it’s funny how much of what kids have watched has changed so much. I think that everyone can agree with me that all kids movies and shows have some very inappropriate things in them.

I want to start with the new nickelodeon show Henry Danger. It’s meant to be for kids that are under ten, but what is said should only be in shows meant for teens and above. You can tell it’s a kids show because the acting is very bad. Like, really bad. So bad that I don’t see how kids can watch it. Some of the things said are very inappropriate. For example, at a party, Captain Man was talking with the parents of the girl who had the party. While her husband was standing right there, the mom suggested that she committed adultery with Captain Man. What the hell is up with that? Kids should not be getting exposed to that at such a young age!

Then there’s Shrek. That whole movie is just a long line of dirty jokes. I mean the evil guy’s name is Lord Farquad. What does that sound like? I’m sure you can figure it out. Also, when Shrek and Donkey are walking up to Lord Farquad’s castle, they notice that it is very big and tall. Then Shrek says, “He must be compensating for something.” Whether he’s referring to Farquad’s height or his disco stick, I’ll let you decide.

Then more can be said about a lot more movies and shows. The list just goes on and on! Some of them are little and some of them are small. The thing is, once you see it or hear about it, it will never go away. You will always think about it when you see that particular movie. Heck, there are several accounts devoted to ruining childhood movies for everyone. When you see their posts, you instantly know what they are talking about and that movie is now ruined forever.